Thursday, May 25, 2006

Some advice for the Birthday girl..

Sometimes, unfortunately, a little tough love is needed to get your point across to those you love. When a friend of mine wanted to know why a certain guy she was dating "had sex with her and stopped calling", I had to drop the niceties and decorum and simply tell her "Because dudes know you are easier than Sunday morning, having a reputation of spreading your legs faster than Gymnast porn stars and shit.." Of course my honesty wasn't embraced immediately, but she got my point eventually. When a woman I was dating wondered why I wouldn't reciprocate oral and discouraged her from even taking her pants off that's when I had to be honest and, I think I possibly mentioned something about her private area smelling like roadkill and to "get that shit checked out". Of course that was the last time she gave me "below the waist CPR", but at least her new boyfriend is benefiting from a crotch that isn't vomit inducing.

So today, on the 31st birthday of Lauryn Hill, I thought I would give her some advice that I think she needs to hear. First off, the whole "I'm nuttier than squirell shit" routine is getting tiring. Having to openly say "Wht in the fuck was she thinking about??" a fgew times a year isn't cute any more, fuck man it was never cute to begin with. Listen, in an age where a large number of the female rappers out there feel like they have to wax poetic about jewelry, how cute they are, how many dudes they are fucking, and your garden variety limiting topics, this would be the ideal time for her to switch the game up for women desperate for change. Also, when I have seen her perform lately she seems like a shell of her old self who half asses performances with off key singing, and just random weirdness. I equate Lauryn Hill to a pitcher with an arsenal of pitches, a 100 mile fast ball, a killer curve, sinkers, you name it, who is currently pitching horribly because of a mental slump due to a few batters taking his pitches 400 plus feet for his past few starts. I guess that pitcher might see a sports psychologist, maybe Lauryn might need one so she can once again use her god given abilities to put mow down her competition like that pitcher who got his confidence back.

But you know what, it is her life and she can do whatever with it, it's just that I am a fan who would hate to see the talents who I believe could be the best female rapper ever to go to waste. That being said, Happy Birthday Lauryn.

8 comments:

Amadeo said...

At the top of her game lauryn is the most viscious female emcee ever...ever. When she has it all togther that is.

~b*b~ said...

i hate her music now but i cut her some slack - if the rumours are true, what her children's father did to her was foul. damn, i'd go nutty if i had to deal with that, too.

chele said...

I agree with b*b -- I love Lauryn but heartbreak can make you crazy. I just keep listening to her old stuff to remind me of what once was.

a.Marie said...

Amen!

Bk_red said...

i gotta say i really liked some of the songs on lauryn's unplugged album. i love when a mainstream artist does something unexpected. even when it doesn't work, i respect their willingness to take chances. in my opinion, her songs on that album came across as so honest and vulnerable. poor thing, though. jamaican men can drive you crazy. or so i've heard. ;-)

Rachel S said...

Amen.

Earth to Lauryn Hill. We miss you; please come back.

I really lament the what has happened to her. It's not that she left the scene but that she fell off. The last couple performances I have seen were really subpar.

jameil1922 said...

lmao. get her.

Joaquin said...

You know, I've been holding off on mentioning how much alike you and I are because of how homo it sounds to say. But once I read where you said that Lauren is the best female mc ever, I knew I had to say it. To me she is the only female mc who could be mentioned in the same sentence as the top male mc's. Lauren is ridiculous nice.