Tuesday, May 02, 2006

That's what you get Andy Fox, self righteous prick.


schadenfreude \SHOD-n-froy-duh\, noun:
A malicious satisfaction obtained from the misfortunes of others.

Even though my own mother calls me "the worlds biggest asshole", I've never particularly enjoyed the misfortune of others. When it turned out that the guy that my ex-fiance left me for started beating her ass and being a complete waste of sperm, I didn't celebrate, I kind of felt sorry for her. Recently, based on the fact that my friends still tease me about being beat up 20 years ago by a guy named Rick Johnson, I felt like I would exercise that demon and beat that ass when he said some shit to me in a bar recently. But when I thought about it, him weighing about 100 pounds wet due to his heroin addiction, I left him alone and decided not to settle a 20 year score. But when something bad happened recently to Andy Fox, I rejoiced like catching the holy ghost in church.

I know anyone outside of the Hampton Roads area(cities of Virginia Beach, Chesapeake, Hampton, Norfolk, Newport News, Portsmouth, Suffolk) really could give a flying fuck, but let me explain who Andy Fox is exactly. Fox is a reporter for our local NBC news affiliate, WAVY-TV 10, where he had a show called "Road Rebels". On this show he would literally be on street corners and other areas of the city, just waiting for random motorists to break the law, then proceed to scream at them and sometimes run them down and interview them. I guess his heart was in the right place, but his self-righteous behavior when addressing people was vomit inducing, and when he happened to stop me one day during a traffic indiscretion I gave him a piece of my mind.

Andy Fox: (Running after my car) Hey! Hey!! Do you know what you just did?
HumanityCritic: Stopped for a crazy as fuck white man running towards my car with a microphone?
Andy Fox: No, you ran that stopsign.
HumanityCritic: Not really "ran", strolled through would be the correct definiton.
Andy Fox: But its against the law.
HumanityCritic: Not as illegal as that tie you are wearing, do you dress yourself blindfolded?
Andy Fox: Listen smart-alec, people have been complaining about people constantly running this stopsign.
HumanityCritic: Just like people have been complaining about the rising crime rate, or the overall violence in some of the neighboring cities. But you're ass rather hang out in suburban neighborhoods and fuck with me. Andy, (looking into the camera), "where are your testicles kind sir???"

For some reason he didn't use me in his Road Rebels segment, but I always hoped that he would be taken down a few notches based on how "holier than thou" he was. Last week it seems like I got my wish, because Andy Fox, the same guy who chased down motorists like they had committed a crime against god or something, was pulled over because he was Driving Under the Influence last week.(People rolling through stop signs and making illegal U-Turns is no where near as bad as endangering the lives of fellow motorists as you drive around in a drunken fucking stooper, huh Andy?) Like Biz Markie said, "Damn it feels good to see people up on it!!"

6 comments:

Miz JJ said...

That's hilarious. I hate anybody on FOX. Those mofos give journalism a bad name. I actually don't consider what they do real journalism.

Amadeo said...

Sweet

K1NG said...

Miz JJ he is on NBC if you read correctly, just sayin, no disrespect, but just from your description he deserved it HFC!!! Good Story

chele said...

Being from Hampton Roads I can totally relate. He is so obnoxious.

Ijene' said...

Hey Karma's a BITCH!!!! Maybe now he'll stop stalking others and use that unemployment check to get some help for his, um..."problem."

nikilovely said...

"Schadenfreude" is my very favorite song on the Avenue Q soundtrack.