Wednesday, September 06, 2006

A funny thing happened to me on the way to the 2006 Blackweblog Awards..









**(For all of you who were linked to this post, Welcome to my blog)**

Let me start this post off by thanking everyone for voting for me and making me a winner of two 2006 BlackWeblogAwards, it seems that most of you are liberal enough to re-elect a sitting president who's favorite pastime is getting sloppy mouth-hugs in his semen stained oral office. Granted, because I'm a greedy bastard of "Rueben Studdard at an all you can eat" proportions and would have liked to gracefully swept like Turbo in "Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo" and shit, but being that the two categories that I won in were for writing I will definitely take that. Don't get me wrong, there is no hate here, I want to congratulate the winners in the other three categories I was nominated for who handed me a public beat-down worse than the one where this girl beat me silly with a hot-wheel track in front of my peers at the age of 5. Again, congratulations!!

That being said, I guess like any election, it can bring the unadulterated evil out of some people who are usually pretty cool individuals. I mean, I pandered because I'm an all out attention whore who's ultimate goal in life is to turn my blog into a monument of narcissism, so many awards piled up on my page that it only leaves about 4 lines of actual content. I'm an equal opportunity award winner as well, if there is a blog award for quickest ejaculator, worst boyfriend, most likely to be shot in the face by an angry husband, an award for "the most scared of an anal raping", whatever, I will pander for said award to make my dream monument become a reality and place said banners on my horseshit blog with pride. Not to belittle the BWA, because I am grateful and all, but at the end of the day the awards don't bring you fame and fortune, the opportunity to fuck Halle Berry and ask her mid-thrust "Catwoman?? What were you thinking??", it doesn't even validate your existence as a blogger if you don't win. But over the past month or so I have seen some of the silliest shit imaginable, hypocrisy, and thinly veild disses aimed at yours truly. Let me run down a few examples:

A pander is a motherfucking pander: One thing I have noticed, for the past two years that is, is how people desperately try to convince their readers that they aren't pandering for awards. They even go into these lengthy diatribes about how pandering is "beneath them", and so on and so forth. I'm cool with that, not everyone is willing to take a cue from me by offering women free cunnilingus and a spare kidney for votes, I completely understand that. But I look at it like murder, if you kill 100 black republicans or just one, you're still a murderer motherfucker. If you have one post asking for a vote, or if you have eloquent video posts where Brad Pitt and Samuel Jackson act out some of your writings, a pander is a motherfucking pander.


Sorry, but you are still a whore:
A few weeks ago I saw where a blogger had something to the effect of, "I'm not going to ask yall for votes because I'm not trying to whore myself?" Really, so what is that paypal button on the side of your blog exactly? Wait a minute, let me get this straight, so you are saying that asking for votes is a lot more whorish than asking for money? Really?? Whatever makes you sleep better at night sugar-tits..

It's still a diss, even if you don't say my name: I don't try to play the humility card to seem more acceptable to my readers, I just have an extremely low amount self esteem. I guess it has something to do with me growing up chubby, the childhood stutter that I had to get over, or the fact that my penis is of a size where it shatters every black man myth ever known to man, but I lack the ability to think rather highly of this blog. On the one hand I appreciate the love I get from people who read my blog, but I'm objective to my own shortcomings to the point where I would openly understand if people said "HumanityCritic, you fucking suck!!"(I'm used to that, those are my mother's favorite words.) I also can admit to you that there are writers out there who put my daily mixture of drivel and curse words to shame, I can concede that all day. My only problem were those people who hated to the point that they would say shit like, "You know that dreadlocked blogger who has that popular blog, that overrated guy, the one who's always talking about throat-chops??" Jesus fucking Christ, you lack the *minerals and vitamins, irons and the niacin's* to even utter my name?? The Internet is a tool where you can anonymously talk shit behind a computer screen without fear of getting your skull crushed it, so next time why don't you just exercise that god given right and just say my name motherfucker. H.U.M.A.N.I.T.Y.C.R.I.T.I.C. Yeah I know, I didn't name them as well, but I would hate for the 4 people who read my blog to suddenly enjoy the writings of a cat who dissed me.

Fuck those awards!! Oh yeah, can I get that vote??: No offense, because a handful of people that I generally like tried to pull this tactic off, but you can't outline the monumental failure of the blackweblogs and the utter incompetence of their whole outfit, only to turn around and ask people to vote for you in those same awards. I'm saying, what part of the game is that exactly?? That's like telling people to boycott a convenience store because of their racism and how they follow you around the store and whatnot, only to occasionally go there to pick up a six pack. Come on fellas, it's like getting mad for not being invited on Oprah, just be happy being Hip Hop!! This is only a bit of tough love and more of an observation than anything, and again, some blogs that I think are dope did this.

13 comments:

Sarah said...

You are a nice guy, and I appreciate that, but I'm not so nice. Look, the voting thing was rigged and you were the victim sir. Looking at the people who supposedly beat you, there is no fucking way in hell they got more votes than you. I think, and this is my theory and all, that you ran the table again but the people at the awards didn't want to enrage the naysayers. It's ok though, we all know what's up. But seriously, you have graduated from the BWA, go out for the "bloggies" and tackle the big dogs!!

Pretty Rikki said...

I voted the day that the finalists came out and had to give an email address and was told to only vote one time. (real talk!!!) Next thing I know you can vote as many times as you want....thats kinda wack....all to say that i went back and voted as much as i could, while still trying to keep my job, cause i like you. Small penis, anger problem and all :-}

Sankofa said...

Well said...ditto Sarah.

Now, I love you...but if you are going to go off on someone for not saying your name and then, in turn, spell it for them...I am going to need for you to spell it correctly. Jesus-Flipping-Christ HC...that's H-C.

LOLOL...congrats Papi

The Humanity Critic said...

*shaking fist* Damn you sankofa!! lol Yeah, I'm a horrible speller.

Peach said...

i totally voted for you!! i love your blog :)

The Humanity Critic said...

@ Sarah: Thanks for the support, I enjoy conspiracy theories as much as the next guy.

@ PR: Thanks for the vote man, I'm glad that my constant whoring got to some people!!..lol

sherry said...

Damn, you are calling cats out!! Are you going to start dissing people now??

The Humanity Critic said...

@ Sherry: Naw, I'm not trying to diss anyone, it was mostly an observation. I mean, how else would I have witnessed some of the stuff I wrote about if I didn't regularly visit these people's blogs. I hope cats don't take my good natured ribbing as some sort of frontal assault(ribbing, frontal assault, that's pretty gay) but if they do, fuck it, what can you do??

I am Jack said...

I voted for you too dude!! But I was wondering, isn't it hypocritical to complain about people not naming you when you didn't name people as well???

The Humanity Critic said...

@ IamJack: I knew I would get this question..lol For the most part, I feel an all out diss is when you want to spark an altercation, laced with a few obsenities and questioning if the person has a functioning pair of testicles or not. It was a basic observation on my part, and in each example there were more than 4 bloggers a piece who did what I talked about.(some of them I dig) So in my opinion saying "Yeah, that motherfucker at thisblog.com did this" would seem more of a diss than anything else, especially if it's a blog that I frequent. That's just my opinion.

Jules said...

Congrats. You honestly deserved to win, bro. I only hope that one day I will be able to write like you.

Luke Cage said...

2 friggin' awards dawg? I remember when I went to the list of the other blogs, but I'm sorry.. maybe a brotha is biased, but no way should you have only gotten 2 awards. And I'm not a fan of saying something was fixed, or rigged, or whatever... but there's been a serious injustice done man. Anyway, congrats on the 2 that you did receive though. Nicely done as usual. Now, I look forward to another year of the Nappy Diatribe maahhnn!

Brotha Buck said...

Ah, and congratz. I did some pandering, too. But, I mean, if you don't ask...