Wednesday, September 06, 2006
A funny thing happened to me on the way to the 2006 Blackweblog Awards..
**(For all of you who were linked to this post, Welcome to my blog)**
Let me start this post off by thanking everyone for voting for me and making me a winner of two 2006 BlackWeblogAwards, it seems that most of you are liberal enough to re-elect a sitting president who's favorite pastime is getting sloppy mouth-hugs in his semen stained oral office. Granted, because I'm a greedy bastard of "Rueben Studdard at an all you can eat" proportions and would have liked to gracefully swept like Turbo in "Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo" and shit, but being that the two categories that I won in were for writing I will definitely take that. Don't get me wrong, there is no hate here, I want to congratulate the winners in the other three categories I was nominated for who handed me a public beat-down worse than the one where this girl beat me silly with a hot-wheel track in front of my peers at the age of 5. Again, congratulations!!
That being said, I guess like any election, it can bring the unadulterated evil out of some people who are usually pretty cool individuals. I mean, I pandered because I'm an all out attention whore who's ultimate goal in life is to turn my blog into a monument of narcissism, so many awards piled up on my page that it only leaves about 4 lines of actual content. I'm an equal opportunity award winner as well, if there is a blog award for quickest ejaculator, worst boyfriend, most likely to be shot in the face by an angry husband, an award for "the most scared of an anal raping", whatever, I will pander for said award to make my dream monument become a reality and place said banners on my horseshit blog with pride. Not to belittle the BWA, because I am grateful and all, but at the end of the day the awards don't bring you fame and fortune, the opportunity to fuck Halle Berry and ask her mid-thrust "Catwoman?? What were you thinking??", it doesn't even validate your existence as a blogger if you don't win. But over the past month or so I have seen some of the silliest shit imaginable, hypocrisy, and thinly veild disses aimed at yours truly. Let me run down a few examples:
A pander is a motherfucking pander: One thing I have noticed, for the past two years that is, is how people desperately try to convince their readers that they aren't pandering for awards. They even go into these lengthy diatribes about how pandering is "beneath them", and so on and so forth. I'm cool with that, not everyone is willing to take a cue from me by offering women free cunnilingus and a spare kidney for votes, I completely understand that. But I look at it like murder, if you kill 100 black republicans or just one, you're still a murderer motherfucker. If you have one post asking for a vote, or if you have eloquent video posts where Brad Pitt and Samuel Jackson act out some of your writings, a pander is a motherfucking pander.
Sorry, but you are still a whore: A few weeks ago I saw where a blogger had something to the effect of, "I'm not going to ask yall for votes because I'm not trying to whore myself?" Really, so what is that paypal button on the side of your blog exactly? Wait a minute, let me get this straight, so you are saying that asking for votes is a lot more whorish than asking for money? Really?? Whatever makes you sleep better at night sugar-tits..
It's still a diss, even if you don't say my name: I don't try to play the humility card to seem more acceptable to my readers, I just have an extremely low amount self esteem. I guess it has something to do with me growing up chubby, the childhood stutter that I had to get over, or the fact that my penis is of a size where it shatters every black man myth ever known to man, but I lack the ability to think rather highly of this blog. On the one hand I appreciate the love I get from people who read my blog, but I'm objective to my own shortcomings to the point where I would openly understand if people said "HumanityCritic, you fucking suck!!"(I'm used to that, those are my mother's favorite words.) I also can admit to you that there are writers out there who put my daily mixture of drivel and curse words to shame, I can concede that all day. My only problem were those people who hated to the point that they would say shit like, "You know that dreadlocked blogger who has that popular blog, that overrated guy, the one who's always talking about throat-chops??" Jesus fucking Christ, you lack the *minerals and vitamins, irons and the niacin's* to even utter my name?? The Internet is a tool where you can anonymously talk shit behind a computer screen without fear of getting your skull crushed it, so next time why don't you just exercise that god given right and just say my name motherfucker. H.U.M.A.N.I.T.Y.C.R.I.T.I.C. Yeah I know, I didn't name them as well, but I would hate for the 4 people who read my blog to suddenly enjoy the writings of a cat who dissed me.
Fuck those awards!! Oh yeah, can I get that vote??: No offense, because a handful of people that I generally like tried to pull this tactic off, but you can't outline the monumental failure of the blackweblogs and the utter incompetence of their whole outfit, only to turn around and ask people to vote for you in those same awards. I'm saying, what part of the game is that exactly?? That's like telling people to boycott a convenience store because of their racism and how they follow you around the store and whatnot, only to occasionally go there to pick up a six pack. Come on fellas, it's like getting mad for not being invited on Oprah, just be happy being Hip Hop!! This is only a bit of tough love and more of an observation than anything, and again, some blogs that I think are dope did this.