Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Some inside info on yours truly..

I'm always surprised when I get emails that ask me to expose more about myself. I thought that my daily ramblings were the epitome of me exposing myself, telling people that my father's death affects me on a daily basis, and all of the embarrassing sexual encounters that leave disgruntled women saying "I thought that shit you talked about on your blog was bullshit!!" So, for all those emails that for some reason want to learn more about me, here are a few random facts..

The first record that I bought was Sugar Hill Gang's "Rapper's Delight". Yes it sounds cliche as fuck but it's the absolute truth. I was in kindergarten at the time, and because my parents always encouraged my love for music they asked me what I wanted when we were in a particular record store. I asked the person behind the counter, "Where can I find that 'chicken tastes like wood" song?

The first CD that I ever bought was King Tee's "Act a Fool"

In the "I used to be a whore" category, I once dated 5 women at the same time. Looking back I realized that maintaining such a facade was a full time fucking job, oh yeah, I'm glad my dick didn't fall off.

My gay cousin Sean is currently not speaking to me. See, when he came out of the closet I was one of the only people that supported his open agenda of anal reaming. I'm a pretty liberal guy, and I told him that who he chose to be with was his business. The problem was when we had gotten drunk and I said, "I'm accepting of gay people so don't get the wrong impression, but there is something creepy about old homosexuals and fat homosexuals. Yuck." Of course my insensitive sentiments didn't go over too well, especially since Sean is overweight and his lover is over 60.

My favorite Rapper is Rakim.(duh)

I feel that Ice Cube's "Death Certificate" is pure genius.

My favorite position is when a chick rides me, only because I'm lazy and it's the one position where I don't cum faster than express mail.

I can't watch crime shows, because I find myself rooting for the bad guy.(except for racists and pedophiles)

My favorite shows include "My Name is earl", "Inside the Actors Studio", "Countdown with Keith Olbermann", and "Grounded for Life"

I shy away from interracial relationships, not because I'm a racist, but because I know I would probably end up killing anyone who verbally opposed it.

I'm a big fan of a lover leaving my residence immediately after ejaculation.

When I played outfield as a kid I had a great arm, so good in fact that I could throw people out who tried to score on my team on a regular basis. The problem was that my batting average was like .120.

I don't have a girlfriend, not because I don't want one, but I think that me chronicling my sex life scares the shit out of any would-be girlfriends.

I respect the guy, but I feel that Tupac did more harm than good. Tupac is like the movie "Scarface" to me, not only did it inspire a million bad impressions of the lead character, but people tend to not focus on the moral of the story and concentrate on the self destruction.


Odhis said...

Hey man....damn near everything u said there save for the baseball bit is me home boy...especially the fave sex position...i be like that too b....Pamoja!!

Amadeo said...

I know way to many people who saw Juice and thought Bishop was the man...

littleboxes said...

Crime shows. Check out The Wire, Critic. It's good stuff.

BLESSD1 said...

Yeah man....I feel you on the Tupac comment. There is a guy I went to high school with who, in high school, could actually rhyme , but I think listened to too much Tupac to the point where everything he creates now sounds like a Juice bite. He got a lil upset that I told him that he sounds like Tupac's bastard lovechild on his latest album. Excelsior HC!