Friday, September 29, 2006
My Hip Hop conspiracy theory bordering on science fiction..
When I first started listening to Hip Hop in the late 70's and early 80's in Naval Housing in Virginia Beach Virginia, my father didn't scoff at the new form of music like most parents did. My father and I never had the best relationship, but one thing that I love about the guy is how he would sit with me and listen to Kurtis Blow, Funky Four+1, and acts of the time with a very objective ear. Looking at the glazed look in his eyes it was like some sort of door that was unlocked to him for so many years was finally being opened. He wasn't a fan by any means, but some of the shit that he would say about the art-form that I Love is the reason that I hold this conspiracy theory that I'm about to share with you, his words will haunt me forever by the way. I mean, yeah my father was a shit talker and a story teller, but he once told me about being in a circle of guy's while they rapped in the 50's(cypher). He told me that some dudes approached him many decades ago about Hip Hop, and they kepts stressing to him the importance of "getting it right" and "taking it back to its roots". At the time, because my father usually talked out of his ass and was known to have "one too many", I quickly dismissed what he said as drunken nonsense. This one time when we were watching television together and a DJ was scratching records, he told me some story about those same dudes also scratching records on "turntables that lit up" as succinctly put it. Again, this is the same guy who minutes before told me that he had a scientific way of knowing if a kid was gay based on how he threw a football, so I disregarded what he said as rubbish even though I noticed his ultra serious tone.
Of course the stories about his experience with what would later be named "Hip Hop" kept coming, like him telling me that those dudes constantly had "rhyme offs" in front of him(battling), they would always be "spinning on their backs"(B-Boying), and he would go on and on about how they wanted him to tell as many people as he could about what they were doing and the importance of it. I really started to think that my father had a mental disorder for a while and I just hoped that shit wasn't hereditary. That was until he told me on his death bed that one of those dudes that he talked about visited him one night. He said, "HumanityCritic, that guy that was doing that rap shit 30 years before it became popular, he visited me last night. That brother hasn't aged a bit!"
Here's the science fiction part that might make many of you stop reading my blog immediately, but I have a theory, a theory that my mother begged me not to share because it might result in me being in a padded room. But fuck it, here goes. I think that somehow some disgruntled Hip Hop purists of the future got a hold of my rants about the deplorable state of Hip Hop and decided to go back in time on some reversal Terminator 2 shit. They saw me as some sort of savior of the genre for generations to come, but they also know that I'm a lazy bastard who needs the proper motivation, so their plan was to go back in time and influence me to somehow change Hip Hop. Problem was, since me and my father have the same first and last name, they somehow got the wrong "Humanity F Critic", so that explains all of those stories about rapping and DJing that my father claimed he witnessed in the 50's. I knoe, I know, wouldn't the time travellers immediately know that they went back too far?? Couldn't they tell the difference between the 1950's and 2006?? Good points, I haven't figured that part out just yet..