Friday, September 08, 2006

Industry Rule #4084: Internet Beef is Good!!



"I love the smell of internet beef in the morning!!!"


Even though I haven't been able to fulfill my goal yet, you know, randomly penetrating women off of the strength of my blog, I have indeed met some very nice people because of the drivel that I write daily. Email friendships mostly consisting of people asking my advice on a plethora of topics ranging from relationships to getting more hits for your blog. I answer them as honestly as I can, but I tell people that I'm the worst person in the world when it comes to both of those subjects. I mean, I have exes who actually want me taking an extremely long dirtnap, so that pretty much sums up my incompetent relationship history, and when it comes to attracting more traffic to your blog I'm as clueless as Paris Hilton on "Jeopardy". I tell people that I'm lucky for the handful of people who dig my brand of bullshit, then I tell them that the best way to generate traffic to your blog is to talk about current events and hot topics.(Things that people will google ad nauseum) That was the only piece of advice that I had, until a few days ago.

Recently, when I made a generalizing post about some behavior that I disagreed with during the run-up of the BlackWeblog Awards, I got about 40 angry emails immediately asking if I was talking about them or not. When I wrote the post I didn't know it would strike a nerve the way it did, especially since there were at least 5-6 people in each category that did what I talked about. Thinking about the guilty conscience some people have is funny, I didn't think people would openly "out" themselves playing the dime-store Nostradamus for protection against them being wrong on some "I Know", "I'm positive!", and "I'm Certain that you were talking about me!!" when most times that person didn't come to mind when I wrote that post. If a person does a post about pre-ejaculators, even though I talk about my handicap ad naseum I'm not going to come right out and accuse the person of posting about me.

But one thing I realized though, especially since my hits went up drastically over the past few days, is that Internet beef is good! If some cum bubble blower wants to dis you in some angry diatribe where he breaks down with sniper like accuracy the many ways in which you are a "pussy" and links you in the meanwhile, don't respond, thank him, because he has just increased your readership like a motherfucker.(That being said, I don't frown on calling someone out if its a legitimate diss you are putting out there despite my hesitation of giving them too much publicity, but most dudes aren't worth it anyways..) Fellow bloggers, I'm not telling you to randomly diss individuals because you can piss good people off that way. But make sweeping generalizations about "punk ass bloggers who always type in caps", "sub-par Internet scribes who love Dave Matthews", and "any poster-child for abortions who overuses the ellipses!!" This way people will just know that you are talking about them, and before you know it you will have 100 new readers in no time.

Matter of fact, because we have to get these bastards off of the street, I think I will write a few angry posts about pedophiles and men who fuck sheep in their leisure time. I mean, if a pedophile takes offense and exposes himself(so to speak), I would be happy if my blog could lead to his capture. The sheepfucker, well, I just want to know who out there is into inter-species erotica so I could diss the fuck out of them on my blog. But then again maybe thats a bad idea, since that would increase his hits..

7 comments:

I am Jack said...

I like your take on internet beef. Speaking of which, I saw this written about you on another site:

"HumanityCritic is my friend on MySpace…

and I effed his moms."

What do you think about that??

The Humanity Critic said...

@I am Jack: Thanks for the comment. But seriously dude, no disrespect, you shouldn't be instigating an internet beef.(as much I love the attention) Plus, you didn't mention who said it, and I have no idea what context the comment was in. If the person is my myspace friend then it's probably just a joke. But the person is right though, I couldn't tell you how many low-lifes, sexual deviants, and fuckers on the bottom of the food chain my mother has blown just to increase my myspace friend numbers..lol How do you think I got through college!?? Take care bro, have a great weekend.

Ken said...

lol. Your mmoms deals with dudes like that Humanity?? Anyway, I was wondering since I am starting my own blog.. When people diss you, how do you deal with it??

The Humanity Critic said...

@ Ken: Yes it's like that, her low standards have her courting glass licking retards with the collective I.Q's of lunchmeat, but I love her anyway. But to answer your question, the best thing to do is ignore it. I guess it helps if you feel that you can write circles around them in the first place. Peace.

Peabo DeBarge said...

this gives me a great idea...

Peach said...

how does what u say piss people off...i dont get it...if they dont like ur opinion they dont have to read ur blog..wouldnt that make sense???

jameil1922 said...

hahaha. you are bananas.